Just another story...

Hurray!!!!!

2012-02-11T12:26:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling excited this year. I surpassed a lot of stages, and working on some great goals.

Failures

2012-01-02T01:07:00.000-08:00

I still don't know how to express myself correctly. I'm not sure what I want. I don't know who I hurt, nor how I hurt them. I'm sorry.

I'm just gonna keep hiding. It's better for me to be alone.

Trying Twitter again

2011-05-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

Well since I'm very lazy at writing and don't tend to blog much, I'm gonna try using twitter as my own mini, fast-updated blog.

http://twitter.com/#!/TopGunMaverik

Go Canucks Go!!

2011-04-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

I finally got my Henrik Sedin Jersey Tonight!!!! My friend helped me got a major discount from somewhere. The material is very nice and fits perfectly on me! I'm gonna wear it to school tomorrow and each time when we have a game. Finally, I always wanted my very own jersey as a fan.

School, social life, and other things have been a drag for me lately. It's about time to have something to look forward to and keep my mind away from all these negative things. I can sure use something to cheer me for a while. Hopefully the Canucks can make a deep run in to the playoff to accompany my down mood lately.

I went to watch the first game the other night with a couple of friends in downtown. The atmosphere was unbelievable!!!

Landmines

2011-04-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

I felt like I just hit the landmine today, destroying myself and others near me. Perhaps I should have just stayed away. Definitely losing myself lately. Physically my body is already wearing off, inside is pretty much the same too.

Not feeling well

2011-04-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

Got 30% on my first circuit lab test. I gotta at least pass my next one or I fail that course. The thing is... I know that stuff and I should have easily passed that test. I was just too nervous and unlucky.

Lack of sleep and improper diet, in addition to being sick and injured from hockey....man I look awful. I should stay away from people that I know or I might scare them.

Not my week

2011-03-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

Apparently BCIT is on spring break this week........everyone else besides my program.....what a joke!

It looks like I'm getting my first speeding ticket sometime during this month through the mail. Well I'm not too sure if I got caught today or not. I was driving along Moscrop , approaching the high school intersection, some cop appeared out of no where and waved me over but I couldnt stop in time. I slowed down and looked back at him, but he did not take any other action after that. So I continued with my drive. Then I realized I was going 55km/h on a 30km/h school zone.

I checked online that the fine for speeding on school zone is around $200. Yikes!!! Whatever if it does come then I will just try to dispute it and delay it. Usually it takes half a year before a letter comes and calls me to court to settle the ticket. By that time I hope the cop doesnt remember the exact detail nor even show up. Then I can get away with it. Pray that I don't get the ticket!

Driving is sure costing me a lot lately. $4.50 for parking each day at BCIT, and the gas consumption is a pain too with all the rise in gas prices. Just realized that my 91 civic was the best at gas consumption, it even beats this Fit!

Its March already!

2011-03-03T20:51:00.000-08:00

Some current updates:

A brother's family went on vacation so I moved in to watch his house and dog

The Pros:

I get his car! It's been so long since I drove after my old car broke down
This place is bigger and better than where I live

The Cons:

Not a fan of pets
I'm used to living alone

School has been great so far. I'm getting the work done and understanding the materials so far.
Also, I'm meeting some new people.

Oh yeah I added a whole bunch of people on facebook last week. People from high school and people where I met from other places. Eh.. thought I would just say hi and not be afraid of anything. Feeling a lot more confident these days -.^

Some Good News

2011-01-30T02:10:00.000-08:00

Good news fellas... I passed my finals....Hurray!! Off to Round 2!!

Also, I found a place to move! It's at a brother's place, great location , nice and big, and cheap too! I'm planning to move in with a friend from BCIT. But things are not confirmed yet. I will find out more information next month.

On a side note: I loss 3 lbs!! Hurray more good news to come

Jan 1, 2011 Sunrise

2011-01-23T00:37:00.000-08:00

I went to see the sunrise at Queen Elizabeth's park on the first morning of 2011. It was a new experience for me, as I've never actually got the chance of waking up so early before and getting to a place to see the sunrise on time. Definitely something special to see it on the first morning of a new year. It meant so much to me at that time because I had a rough week. Seeing something so beautiful instantly made me felt so much better. As this was a reminder of God's beautiful creation. Our world and universe have so many beauties lie with in them, it doesn't make sense they just come out of no where. I believe they are all connected and created for a beautiful purpose.

The sunrise gives me strength. I feel like I have a fire with in me, pushing me to do even more this year, and to attempt things that I've never tried before without holding anything back. Especially pushes me to leave things behind and start something fresh. This year, I need a vacation. I should be free in the summer. My choice would be either Toronto, the states, or HongKong. Yes, I'm not gonna hold back this time. Also, I want to join a dancing class in downtown.....hip hop and break dancing.

A Sad Moment

2010-12-28T23:00:00.000-08:00

Well this year is sure unforgettable, so many things happened. It sure hit me a lot this few weeks. It started out to be a beautiful month, something that I have been long praying for. Then , a lovely memorable christmas dinner, to now a disaster....

Never thought something like this would happen to me on my holiday. It's sure not a pleasant ending for the year, let alone to start a brand new year..... What makes it even better..... near my birthday.... Hurray??? What else could be better?

My memorable Christmas

2010-12-25T23:55:00.000-08:00

Today when we were having breakfast with some brothers, we were discussing about our memorable christmas. Everyone was able to shared their experience, but I couldn't recall any christmas being "memorable". Maybe my family doesn't emphasize on the celebration of christmas, every time we would just have a casual dinner like any other night. Though I did recall I was invited by my cousin to dinner on Christmas before when I had no other people to celebrate with.

So after that we joined the worship at our church this afternoon. Some brothers and sisters were sharing about how touched they felt during worshipping the Father. As for me.... I did feel peaceful and calm this afternoon, mainly because it was christmas and it was the celebration of our Lord Jesus Christ. Emotionally wise, I was no where near tears at all. However I was relaxed, felt peaceful, and I did enjoy the worship. Is this normal? I don't know..... it is Christmas. This is the celebration of the Lord's Birthday, and it reminded me how he came from Heaven to Earth for me.

After the worship, I got a ride from a brother. He was planning to drive me home, and then go home himself to prepare for his own christmas dinner with his family. But on the way I asked him to just drop me off at the skytrain because I didn't want to go home this early on christmas and spend the night by myself. I should have signed up for the Cantonese Gospel dinner at church, but I didn't because I already went to the english gospel the other night. And so... I was planning to just enjoy my ride on the skytrain and spend some personal time with the Lord, and then go get a nice meal by myself, just for the sake because it is christmas. Then this brother said " You know what? Come to my place and have dinner with my family instead. I just can't let you go chill on the skytrain alone and then wander on the street by yourself on christmas." Wow I did not expect that to happen. I mean he was tired and wanted to go home to take a nap, and then prepare for his family dinner. But he kindly insisted to invite me. I really thought I was just gonna chill by myself tonight. Suddenly at that moment I felt my eyes were starting to get warm, or watery. But I held back and just tried to calm myself.

Dinner was absolutely fantastic! Well made food, including turkey, veggies, and desert. Family was extraordinary nice and kind to me. Even though it kind of felt awkward for me because I'm not really a family member in the house, but I humbly accepted this invitation to show my appreciation. I also wish I can some how repay them for this kind offer.

Yup, this will surely be one of my memorable christmas moments that I can confidently share next time!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T00:56:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas time! And soon another whole new year! I give thanks for many blessings this year, a lot of great things happened. Yup so far so good =)

I went shopping the other day for gifts. My purpose was to give back to the people that really supported me this year, and to the love ones that I care most about. So yeah I spent like $150ish on gifts......none for myself though, but it's all good. Yeah I spent like 2 hours and a half at the mall shopping for presents. I put a lot of thoughts on what to get for each person, considering my budget constraint too. I really hope that they like my gifts, and see the thoughts that count even though it's not that expensive =). But yeah....it feels great to see them receive my gifts so joyfully. I find that it is really a blessing that I have the ability to give, and I am really fortunate that I have so much to offer for my love ones and hopefully for this world too.

Unfortunately I have a budget limit so I can't give back to everyone. Hence, I had a hard time picking the people to give to. But yeah... I'm really sorry for the people that I missed this year =( . Perhaps some other time during next year, or repay them back some other way? Yeah... I guess bookmarks, or helping/caring for them some how will have to do...

Excited to start the new year 2011, with some surprising stuff =)

Missing Saskatoon?

2010-10-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

This is dumb, but I kinda miss Saskatoon. Well... maybe not exactly the experience I got from there, but I miss the fact that I didnt need to worry about anything.... especially with school nor with my future. Also, the city is actually pretty peaceful, even though there isn't much attraction there. I enjoyed the beautiful lake there next to my hotel, where I got to spend some time there by myself after work. The place always seems so adventurous to me, cuz there are a lot of places I didn't go to. I wish I had more time to enjoy myself there instead of being caught up from my work. Yeah.... and a lot of things made it memorable too..... I sure miss it.

Some Blahing

2010-10-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

Just feel like blahing some stuff that come to my mind, but might not make any sense.

Critics are highly against me. It seems like I'm such a failure, failing at everything. It feels like I'm losing everything here. I don't know what to do. Please help me Lord. So sorry Lord.... at times I do feel very lost and have no focus. I've been in my slumber for too long...... when will I be awaken?

The power of the dark side is strong. Please give me the force Lord. I really want to overcome the enemies. I struggled, I resisted, but still I am not pushing with all my limit.

I must prove my critics wrong. I must build my power.

Ok back to some more sense. I'm gonna try to deactivate facebook for a while. I hope I can do it. Gonna try to do some studying now... hope I don't procrastinate too much tonight.

The Precious Night Time

2010-07-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would treasure a couple of extra hours so much. After working 12 hours and getting off at 8:30pm, I finally get to have some personal time and rest. The remaining hours of the night is the best time for me in the whole day.... On the other hand the morning is the worst time of the day for me, since the first thing I have to do after barely getting up is to go back to work, and continue the brutal routine work again.

Life in Saskatoon

2010-07-25T21:56:00.000-07:00

It has been one week since I arrived here and started working.... Life here isn't what I have expected.

I'm currently working at the Raddison Hotel in downtown. It is not the most pleasant place here. This area is mostly populated by white and First Nation. I can't find any asian around, besides going down to the west side of downtown where there are a couple of chinese restaurants and shops, which is also known as " china town". There is not much attraction around here, at least nothing that catches my eyes. With out a car around, we are practically stuck in this area and only able to go to other places with in walking distance.

Working here is absolutely intensive. It is expected we work an average of 10 hours per day, and because we didn't do much on the first day here, we are behind and needed to catch up. So far, the longest hour I've work is 13 hours at one time. There is nothing but working here. Basically each day we get up at 8:00am and start working at 8:30. We have lunch at around 12 or sometimes even as late as 2 o clock. Usually we get off at 7:30pm if we are lucky enough to finish all the work for the day, if not we working until 8:30 or even 9:30 at one time. As you can see after work there is not much else to do, but to rest, eat, and go online. This is basically the routine for the whole week, and for another month.

I know I have asked for coming here in the first place, because I wanted to reach some of the goals here. But I'm starting to have doubts with my decision..... It's not only the working intensity that kills me, but also the loneliness and boredom here. It's nothing but work, no entertainment , anyone to talk to, and nothing else to do here.... maybe because we are stuck here with out a car, and we work until very late each night. It's luck I am in an isolated training camp here.

This is the first time I have experienced something like this... so its getting pretty tough, even though it has only been a week. I'm starting to miss Vancouver and appreciate the things and people that I have there and took it for granted. I feel that this is a test for me from the Lord. I really need to rely on him at this time in order to make it through. I miss brothers and sisters, family and friends. Sometimes I get really frustrated and wanted to let my emotions go.....

Four more weeks to go..... if we get everything done on time. Please pray for me =(

Going to Saskatoon

2010-07-09T01:50:00.000-07:00

So it has been confirmed and finalized that I will be going to Saskatoon this summer to renovate a hotel there. I will be heading there on the 19th of July.

This is not an easy decision to make, as I will be spending my whole summer in the prairies, away from brothers and sisters, and my family and friends. I carefully thought of all the alternatives, positives, negatives, and the consequences of me leaving. In the end, I concluded that my best option is to take the job and leave.

I know that while away, brothers and sisters will scare that I will be spiritually down and missing the whole training in the summer. For one month, I will not have meetings or go to church and see them. Yes there has to be some sacrifices in this choice, but my following reasons will help me justify my decision.

This long trip will get me a decent amount of money, enough for me to cover my tuition cost for the fall and my other temporary expenses. It is not easy to suddenly find a temporary job in the summer that will offer me this amount of money. It will only get me jobs like Starbucks, or other part time jobs with lower wage that I can get from this one month trip. I know that money should not be everything here and pursuing God is more important. But given my current situation and circumstances, there has to be some slight changes.

I'm not as fortunate as other younger brothers and sisters that have family support. I really wish I can go to other places like fiji and experience what all the others experienced there. That is just not my priority right now. I need to get a better job in the future first. Even though I don't have to pay for my rent for now..... I still have to pay for all my other expenses and tuition fees. Sometimes I do feel very insecure living alone like this. My future is not predictable, I do not know how am I going to carry my life. So you can't really compare me with other b/s.

Money is not the only gain from here. I would also like to use this time to train myself, both physically and mentally. I never worked for long long period of time before. But on this trip, I will be working 7 days a week for 56 hours a week. I will experience the hardship and stress that come with this job, the real working world. From this, I hope to train my body and get physically fit. I've been putting on some weight lately. Mentally this will train my mind to stay focus and to work hard, and leave no time to think about other stuff and to play around.

Also I want to leave Vancouver for a long while for once. I've been stuck here for too long, never really been to any places. I want to go out and explore the world a bit. This is a good chance for me to kind of relax, put my past, thoughts, people, and other things behind. Saskatoon could be a mini vacation for me too.

This will actually give me a chance to appreciate the things I have here in Vancouver. I know I will learn to miss my family, friends, brothers and sisters. After coming back, I will learn to appreciate and love them more. Being alone out there for a period of time will make me think and review my past a lot more.

On a side note, I just found some really bsing news. I heard from my cousin the other day that my father is coming back this month with his new wife?..... This is kind of messed up as someone else has to tell me this and not my own father. I never heard anything from him about this...... this is so sudden. Well I guess I won't be seeing them as I will be going to Saskatoon before they come back..... This just shows how my relationship with my dad has really deteriorated over these years.....if there's practically any communication left.

...

2010-06-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

Too much secrets...... just feel like letting it all go. I want to get away for a while... away from Vancouver. I'm looking forward for the upcoming trip in July.

Some Quick Updates

2010-06-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

Ok it has been a while since I updated myself here. Some quick thoughts on my mind are:

I don't know if I should get a new car or not. My 1991 civic is dying on me. Recently I just found out I need to fix my radiator that connects to my coolant tank. If I do not fix it soon, water will keep on leaking and my engine might get over heated. Hence, I need to constantly add water to my tank. The estimated cost could be around $250.

The problem is I already spent $850 fixing it with in almost a year. Also it's so hot and stuffy in my car in the summer with no air conditioning and no power window. The car had broke down on me 3 times with in 1.5 years, and made me stranded on the street. Perhaps it's time for me to replace this car?

My following options are:

1) Spend another $250 fixing the car and I need to get an oil change, or keep driving with out fixing it and just add more water to the tank each time, hoping nothing will go wrong for a while.

2) Get a new car with financing of around $300 a month, or get a used car with financing of around $200 a month from a trusted dealer shop. Else, I can get a used car from a private dealer for around $5000.

3)Lastly, I can just dump my car for a couple of hundred and just take the bus. Adding a transit fee, but would save me on insurance and gas. But I'm used to driving now..... it's very inconvenient taking the transit.

My following goals are:

1) Cut down my expenses. That means less spending and more saving. Less dining out and use every opportunity to save more. Cutting down on my bills. I just phone Telus to reduce my internet and phone bill. Now I need to get a credit card to get additional benefits and free points.

2) Gotta do a little more exercise and workout

3) Do a little bit of studying on my own to prepare for school

4) Enjoy my summer and go out and have fun

5)Work on some spiritual goal, volunteer at the church

Other than that, I need to concentrate. Some times I waste time thinking about other things. Just some of my personal problems.

I'm tired....

2010-05-04T00:06:00.000-07:00

You feel lonely and emptied when you are alone.......you would think that's the worst thing that could happen to you.

But when you are with people......there are always problems, struggles, headaches, worries, decisions, temptations, heart breaks, sorrows ........ maybe it's better to be left alone?

I'm really tired..... I don't want to think anymore......I don't want to worry anymore. Let me be at rest for now.....on my own with the Lord.

Tears of truth

2010-04-25T00:21:00.000-07:00

It hurts to see our love ones cry. Sometimes you wish you can cry with them. What else can you do when they cry? Listen and comfort them? Give them a hug, or hand them a tissue? I feel helpless as a bystander. Sometimes tears can be for a good cause, and we cry to rejoice in happiness, or to relieve stress and pain. But sometimes it only reinforces more sorrows, and a sign of despair.

We learn to rejoice in the truth with the Lord, and not get blinded by the enemies. Even though the truth hurts, we still have to face reality with the Lord, and the truth will always prevail over all evils.

Who am I ?

2010-04-24T00:51:00.000-07:00

There are some thoughts I have been struggling with. I can't seem to find myself. What kind of person am I? What kind of person do I want to be in front of other people ( family, friends, brothers), more importantly what kind of person does God want me to be? Do I want to please certain people and try to fit in? Do I want to be manipulated? Do I want to have fun and be tempted? Who am I.....?

Recently, a series of events have triggered all these thoughts I have. I took the time one day, and drew near to God and tried to find myself back. I always need to remind myself of what kind of person does the Lord want me to be.

For these past years, I was never confident to live a meaningful life with God or even with anyone. I never dreamed of having my own family in the future, or taking care of anyone. Maybe it's because of my past and my family background that discouraged any hope for me. Even my parents told me that I do not have to take care of them in the future, and just worry about my own self. Hence, each day I would just live a meaningless day for my own sake, and never really have anyone else in my mind.

Something has changed this year. After coming back to God's family and reuniting with the Lord, I have really tasted love from the Lord and the others. Love tastes so sweet and warm, and I want more of it. I know I can tap into God's love if I concentrate enough. After reflecting on what it feels like, I want to have my own family in the future again, I want to have a career, a meaningful life with God and his people.

I'm going to be honest and say I'm not going to graduate from SFU this year. After having a poor year in my second and third year, really made it hard for me to graduate with in my program. I prayed to the Lord about this, and he has answered my prayer. I got accepted into BCIT Electrical Engineering this fall. It's a total new path for me, but this time I feel I can do this. I feel that I have the Lord by my side, I don't want to hide anymore, or care what others think anymore.

In the meantime, this is what I'm going to work on.

1) Clean my house, know how to take care of myself, then others.
2) Be more serious,humble, and less joking around
3) Concentrate on work for now, and concentrate at school in the fall
4) Learn how to communicate with family and love them more
5) Be more initiative and active with problems, and people
6) Take care of myself ( healthier eating, working out, sleep earlier)
7) Work on my spiritual life and Love God ( read the bible, pray to god, attend meetings)

What is Love ??

2010-04-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

The Definition of True Love...........1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

Love is patient,
True love is unconditional, that is, it does not depend on the attributes or lack thereof of the person loved, therefore, it is willing to give as much time necessary, and as much space as necessary for that person to grow.

love is kind and is not jealous;
Love seeks to give others something of benefit for their welfare, and consequently, rejoices when they do benefit.

love does not brag and is not arrogant,
To lift one's self up in reference to others leaves no room for unconditional, graceful love.

does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,
To act inappropriately, shamefully (morally, especially in the area of sexual purity) is not in accordance with true love. Love never seeks it's own gratificaiton but rather the interests of others.

is not provoked,
Selfishness seeks to manipulate others by stimulating certain selfish emotions. Love will not do this to others, nor will it let it happen to itself.

does not take into account a wrong suffered,
Forgivenss. Let it go. Bitterness is the acid. You are the container. Get rid of it or it will kill you.

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
Love does not somehow gloss over things that are going to be hurtful. True love originates from the truth.

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
If love really is unconditional, it will hold any weight, face any doubt, persist through hopelessness, and last any trial

Love never fails...
If it did, would it be love?

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Someday, faith will not be needed, for we will see God. Hope will not be needed, for when everything is fulfilled, there is no need for hope. But love, yes, to it there will be no end. If it did, it wouldn't be love.

Experiences ?

2010-04-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

Reading other people's blogs really helps me learn......and it helps me think about what I need to do in life. I read my uncle's blog yesterday and I reflected on it.

"Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you" by Aldous Huxley. Now I feel guilty or embarrassed that I randomly used the word "experience" many times in my other posts. I start to question myself, have I really done enough with the stuff that happened to me and really turned them into real meaningful experience?

I have really tried to reflect my past, and paid some effort to improve the things that needed to be improved. But I'm not sure if this is enough. Perhaps I need to think more about this before I start to have any more sharing with other people. Well... I'm still going to continue on this blog because it's the internet, and its my blog.....lol But I'm going to restrict myself sharing randomly in front of other people, until I feel I have done enough to the things that happened to me. More so whatever, it's not like I often share with other people anyways....

I'm going to start doing something...... to be continued.....

My Testimony Part 4: Lost but now Found

2010-04-12T00:46:00.001-07:00

Just continuing where I left off from my previous testimony blogs at my xanga site.

As I mentioned before, I was living on my own when my parents got separated. Somewhere during this time, I was invited to the Church of God in Vancouver by one of my high school friends. It was during christmas of 2007 where I started to participate in the church’s activities, and slowly I built up some good friendship with the Young and Strong Brothers. Things were going quite well, I had joy, my life was more stable, and soon I was baptized on March 2008.

My condition did not last long though. I was prosecuted by other christians, got tired of joining meetings, and some other things happened. Eventually, around summer of 2008, I was just drifted away from this church.

Many people asked me how did I lose so much weight in such a short period of time. I told them it was just healthier eating and dieting. That was not exactly the case. It was a combination of stress and depression that acted as a catalyst that helped me lose weight in the first place. With this momentum, I then started to eat healthier and maintained my current weight.

After these changes, I started to attract unnecessary attentions from people. I was hanging around with a group of SFU friends, and got invited to parties. It wasn’t anything illegal or extremely inappropriate, it was just typical college life. They played some influence on me, like being more fashion and materialistic.

I had some fun time with my new friends, but it was only temporarily. Things just kept coming again. I lost focus with school, my parents were doing worst, and I just felt like God was calling me again. I had some help from brothers that never left me. Soon I started joining meetings again and was accepted back into the family in summer of 2009

I kind of felt like I was in the position of the Prodigal Son. I left the family to join the dark and then I came back, and everyone welcomed me. They never hated me for leaving and were very happy to see me again.

I Love Sundays!!!!!

2010-03-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

It did not take me long until I realized that Sunday has become the best day of the week for me after coming back to church. Having this extra involvement and being part of a wonderful family means so much to me at this point. A person really needs support, care, and a family. No matter how old you are , or what kind of person you are, it is something built with in all of us, that desire for love is manifested in all of us. I'm so thankful that I get to interact with so many different warm hearted brothers and sisters, and I know that there's a lot more to come in the future.

I had a blast with the activities in the afternoon today. Although, the balloon games weren't as exciting as I would like it, but the volleyball game was fantastic. Although ironically, the unplanned volleyball game was much more fun, at least that's what I thought. But still credit the sisters for their hard effort in arranging the other activities.

Now.....after returning home from the gym, the whole atmosphere was different. Suddenly changing the setting from a loud crowd filled with laughters to a setting where you could barely hear a voice in your room felt quite weird. That was how I felt when I went home today.

It's sad to know that I could not find a single person on my phone list to call up and have dinner with me tonight. It's Sunday, everyone has to prepare for their upcoming weekday, and has their own lives and families to spend with. As for me, it's not like my parents, grandparents, or other relatives are living really far from away from me. They are right here in vancouver and richmond, but sadly for some difficult reasons...........I'm just not able to reach them during most nights.

Luckily out of no where, God prepared a way for me. I was able to have a very decent dinner with some really close brothers tonight. Hallelujah!!!!! It was not the food that satisfied my hunger tonight, it was the fellowship that we had together. It has been a long time since I had a decent and emotional conversation with fellow brothers, friends, or anyone. But a man got to have his dignity, and masculine image kept in place. It is not easy to shed tears in front of guys, especially in public settings.

I went home , took a good rest, reflected on the day and my past, and emotionally dropped a couple of tears. I must have to say.........it felt pretty damn good!!! Ooops, sorry for the word, but it was needed to fill in that feeling. It was a good way to relieve stress.

Thinking about God and drawing close to him is nice, but sometimes I can't find that emotion, and just can't drop any tears thinking about him in church. I'm touched to hear that some brothers and sisters can cry so freely by drawing close to the Lord during meetings. That fire can not just be ignited out of no where during a Sunday morning meeting for me. At night, when the storm is calm, that's a different story.

Speaking of which, I do notice that I might look and feel pretty cold to other people sometimes. I really don't mean to be cold or be cool in front of others. It's just my personality, or my shyness.

God has really opened a path for me in church. I feel that I'm slowly building a strong bond with the people there. Especially with a new group that is emerging. To have a good testimony, the setting really does matter and has to be controlled. It's better to have a smaller group as opposed to a lot of people. There needs to be a really good conversation to open up the way. Something that I find it hard to do with some brothers , but well blended in with some other brothers.

Perhaps a little youtube video to end this mood tonight. An old song, but what I like about listening to music is that it brings me back memories, from the time that I first ever listened to it, or when it was popular. A good song must be meaningful to me.

Unlucky..... or being stupid....?

2010-03-26T17:03:00.000-07:00

Ok so apparently I just missed my class 5 road test today, which I happened to book it 2 months ago. The test was at 2:45pm and I did not leave the house until 2:20pm. As calculated, it should only take me 15min to get to Point Grey from my house. Unfortunately I did not anticipate the medium traffic at 2:30pm. I arrived at ICBC at 2:40pm and could not find a place to park. Took me another 5min before I could park my car. The amount of people at ICBC today was just insane, all the high school kids were there waiting to do their test. So it took me another 5min or so waiting in the line up. Waiting in the line during this time was dreadful......knowing that you will be late with in minutes......and there was nothing you can do about it. My adrenaline was pumping like crazy inside my body. In the end, I was 5min late for the test and my spot was taken.........

So I waited 2 months for the test, skipped work today just to take it, and I missed it in the end..........because I was 5mins late..... This sure tells you that being on time is important and every min counts. I had all the time in the world this morning to get prepared for my road test and I wasted it.......... this is called being stupid..........plain simple. Now I probably have to wait for another month in line for the exam again.

My Favourite Classical Movies

2010-03-26T00:38:00.000-07:00

Top Gun (1986) Tom Cruise

Die Hard (1988)

Terminator 2 (1991)
click here for full movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNEX5C3YGYQ&feature=related

Home Alone (1992)

Speed (1994) Keanu Reeves

Power Rangers the Movie (1996)

My Transformation

2010-03-18T15:25:00.000-07:00

I don't think I would end up where I am right now if you ask me a few years ago. It feels like I have undergone some intense transformation. Internally, I've been through some changes through spiritually and mentally. Experiences through my family, friends, and to church have shaped my life. Externally, I have taken a new physical look, new haircut, new fashion, feel more energized, and just a bit healthier.

These are the most recent photos of me.

These are two years ago........notice the difference? lol I looked worst when I was in high school and elementary school. I'll post them up once I get the chance.

Changes started to happen after I got baptized........so I need to thank the Lord lol.

This is how I feel through my transformation. I feel like I have transformed into a Super Saiyan.........and now I must keep working hard to ascend into a Super Saiyan 2.

One of the most classical all time favourite anime...Dragonball Z.

An Inspiration Kick

2010-03-15T01:33:00.000-07:00

I came to realize that I love to wander in the night. It always makes me feel lonely at night, when everyone is asleep, no activities outside, dark and quite in the shadow of the night. It also makes me think better at this time. It is during this time I can really put myself toward God.

I love to surf the net at night, and go on facebook and youtube. Tonight I have a theme in mind.........looking back, cherish life each day, and take part in something important in the future.

Life is definitely precious and I just happened to have Terry Fox in my mind tonight. He was a hero, an inspiration to all Canadians. Looking at some of the youtube video clips help me visualize and meditate how to appreciate each day that is given by God, a chance to live and glorify his purpose. Terry Fox really cherished life and gave all he had to full fill his dream for the country. That kind of power and determination are really needed in the army of Lord Jesus Christ.

These songs and video clips bring back memories......... emotional memories........ they bring me back to the time when I ever first listened to these songs a few years ago.

Another lesson learned

2010-03-08T01:08:00.000-08:00

It was a weird day today. I felt like I've gained a beautiful new friendship, but also lost an old friendship. Sometimes I get carried away when I get too close to someone, I cross the border line on certain things. Stuff that I seem to broke the trust on. Another thing that I usually regret in the end. Yet, I found out it's not a totally lost, and some friends I just need to let go, instead of trying to change myself or being influenced by them. Let's just hope that I don't repeat the same mistake again with the upcoming new friendship.

Yet again, the lord struck me today, I really ought to make some changes. Encouragements are nice and I did have some today =) Thank God that there are always other really good brothers and sisters by my side. Thinking about them and God gives me good encouragement too.

A New Blog!!

2010-03-05T01:05:00.000-08:00

So I decided to move to Blogspot because of the better functions and layouts they offer here. I'm going to play around with all the new features here. My old blog is http://topgunmaverik.xanga.com/